E is for Epilogue

As you could tell from yesterday's "Accio Deathly Hallows" reference, I love Hank Green and his yearly Harry Potter songs, so I thought it fitting to let him start up a discussion on the epilogue of The Deathly Hallows:

I want J.K. Rowling to say, 'The epilogue was crap,' 'cuz we all know it was crap.  And I want J.K. Rowling to say, "Voldemort had a son - and the story's just begun." And I want J.K. Rowling to say that's she's writing Book Eight.

The all important question, then, is why was the epilogue crap?

• It's six pages long. We have full chapters in other books about platform 9 3/4, so why not give us a little more at the end of it all?
• "The Journey from Platform Nine and Three Quarters" (The Sorcerer's Stone)
• "Aboard the Hogwarts Express" (The Goblet of Fire)
• The other books all mention the journey to Hogwarts as well, though not through title names.
• It's a lot of name dropping.  Want to guess how many characters are mentioned in six pages?
• Harry, Lily, Albus, Ginny, James, Percy, Rose, Ron, Hermione, Hugo, Draco, Scorpius, Mr. Weasley, Teddy, Victoire, and Neville makes 16 to my count.  And that's without the implied mentions of Dumbledore and Snape.  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we get to catch up with everyone...but 16 is a lot of characters in six pages.
• Rowling had planned to include even more character details, which can be read here!
• "Her original epilogue was "a lot more detailed," including the name of every child born to the Weasley clan in the past 19 years.  For example, Victoire, who was snogging Teddy, Lupin and Tonks' son, is Bill and Fleur's eldest child" ("J.K. Rowling Goes Beyond the Epilogue, Beyond Hogwarts).
• But most of all, the epilogue was crap because I wish that it had been it's own book/series.  I don't want "All was well" as a summation of 19 years (759).  I want to enjoy every minute of every year of each of those families! But alas, wizard angst.

"And I want J.K. Rowling to say that she's writing Book Eight."

Though it's not quite Book Eight, the next big thing for the Harry Potter universe will be discussed in my next post on Monday!  F is for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them!